“I Thought I Was Lazy.”

Jun 10

Unmasking the Truth Behind Motivation, Burnout, and the

Brain-Body Disconnect No One Talks About

There was a time—not that long ago—when I truly believed I just didn’t try hard enough.

I’d cancel plans last minute because I was “too tired.” Put off emails until the guilt was so loud I couldn’t think straight. Bounce between tabs for hours while half-finishing everything and completing nothing.

And then I’d spiral: Why couldn’t I just do the thing? Why was something as small as choosing a dinner recipe or replying to a message suddenly a mountain?

It felt like I was broken. Lazy. Scattered. And worst of all? I kept it all to myself… because I thought it was just me.

“You just need more structure.”

That’s what people would say when I shared even a sliver of the struggle.

What they didn’t see was that I had structure. I loved structure. I read all the productivity books. Bought the planners. Color-coded my life like I was prepping for an Olympic event.

It wasn’t for lack of trying. It was that none of those tools accounted for my nervous system, or the reality of navigating the world as a neurodivergent woman. When your brain is constantly toggling between masking, micro-decisions, and unspoken expectations… Even brushing your teeth can feel like a Herculean task.

It Wasn’t Laziness. It Was Burnout.

Not the kind that shows up as naps and quiet weekends. The kind that simmers underneath the surface… until you shut down mid-sentence, mid-scroll, mid-thought.

I now understand that I was in a constant state of dysregulation. Running on a mix of internalized pressure and external performance. Trying to “just push through” like I’d always been taught.

But the truth? I wasn’t lazy.
I was exhausted from trying to be someone the world would understand.

A Client Once Told Me:

“It’s not that I don’t want to do the things I care about. It’s that by the time I’ve filtered through all the shoulds and expectations and interruptions, I’ve lost myself entirely.”

That hit me in the gut… Because I’ve been there too.

The constant background noise of self-doubt:

“Am I disappointing someone right now?”
“Did I forget something important again?”
“Why can’t I just start already?”

When we talk about ADHD and executive dysfunction, people assume we mean forgetfulness or hyperactivity. But the reality is so much more subtle… and so much more devastating.

>> It’s the emotional weight of trying to make every tiny decision when your brain is already overloaded.
>> It’s the shame that creeps in when you can’t explain why it’s so hard today when it wasn’t yesterday.
>> It’s the stories we tell ourselves about being lazy, flaky, inconsistent—when really, we’re just depleted.

The Turning Point Wasn’t Magic, It Was Permission

One of the most powerful things I’ve ever done (and that I now help my clients do)?
I started asking myself: “What if you’re not lazy? What if you’re just operating on a system that was never built for your brain?”

That question changed everything. It gave me permission to pause without guilt. To pivot when something wasn’t working. To rest before I hit a wall—because regulation isn’t optional, it’s foundational.

Some days that looks like turning down a call. Some days, it’s dancing with my dog Apukka in the kitchen before writing a single word. Some days it’s saying: “This task can wait. My peace cannot.”