I’m Not Setting Goals This Year. I’m Decluttering My Mind.

Every January carries a particular kind of noise.

It’s subtle at first, then suddenly it’s everywhere: reminders to optimize, to reset, to decide who you’re going to be this year. We’re told this is the moment for clarity and action, for bold moves and fresh starts, but January doesn’t actually feel like that for most people.

Especially not for neurodivergent women.

This time of year — early to mid-winter — is quiet by nature. The days are shorter. Energy is lower. Bodies are still tired. Nervous systems are often already stretched thin from the end of the year that just passed.

Yet, culturally, we’re asked to sprint.

This year, instead of setting goals, I’m doing something that feels far more supportive and honest: I’m decluttering my mind. Not clearing it. Not controlling it. Just noticing what’s taking up space, and deciding what actually deserves my attention right now.

Winter isn’t meant for urgency

In nature, winter isn’t a time of visible growth. It’s a time of rest, consolidation, and integration. Seeds don’t push through frozen ground; they wait… but we’re rarely given permission to do the same.

Many of the women I work with feel out of sync with January expectations. They tell me they feel unmotivated, resistant, or behind, and then assume something is wrong with them.

What if nothing is wrong?
What if this season is simply asking for something different?

Reflection instead of action.
Orientation instead of execution.
Gentleness instead of pressure.

When the mind tries to take over

Our minds don’t always like uncertainty or slowness. They’re wired to protect us, and one of the ways they try to do that is by creating rules.

“You should have a plan by now.”
“You’re wasting time.”
“Everyone else is moving forward — why aren’t you?”

In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, we often talk about learning to notice the mind rather than obey it. I sometimes think of this part as the dictator mind: the part that issues commands without checking in on context, capacity, or care.

The dictator mind loves New Year’s resolutions. It thrives on urgency and certainty. For neurodivergent women, it can get very loud in January. Louder doesn’t mean wiser.

Control isn’t the same as calm

Many of us were taught that control equals safety. If we can just plan enough, decide enough, push hard enough, things will finally settle… but control is exhausting.

It’s exhausting when you’re navigating motherhood, when your sleep, time, and emotional energy are constantly being negotiated. It’s exhausting in partnership, where two nervous systems are trying to find rhythm together. It’s exhausting when your brain is already working overtime just to manage the basics.

What I’ve learned — personally and professionally — is that calm doesn’t come from tightening your grip; it comes from alignment.

Values as winter work

Instead of asking myself what I should be accomplishing right now, I’ve been asking a quieter, more seasonally honest question: What matters most to me in this season of life?

Values don’t give you a checklist; they give you orientation. They help you decide how you want to move through your days when energy is limited and life is full.

Right now, my values look like choosing presence over productivity with my son. Choosing repair over perfection in my marriage. Choosing nourishment over restriction when my body is depleted. Choosing honesty over hustle in my work.

None of these choices look dramatic. They won’t impress an algorithm, but they feel grounded, and they create a steadiness that no January goal-setting ritual ever has.

Values don’t demand that you change who you are. They support you in being who you already are, with more intention and care.

Decluttering before growth

Decluttering the mind isn’t about giving up on growth or ambition. It’s about timing.

Winter is for noticing patterns, softening pressure, and letting go of what no longer fits. Spring, the real season of growth, is when action, expansion, and change make sense.

Trying to force growth in January often leads to burnout, not transformation.

For many neurodivergent women, allowing this seasonal rhythm is a relief. It creates space instead of urgency. It makes room for one small, values-aligned choice rather than a long list of things to fix.

It reminds us that we don’t have to rush ourselves to be worthy of support.

Calm now. Movement later.

This year, I’m choosing calm over control; not because life is simple, but because it’s full.

Winter asks us to listen.
Spring will ask us to move.

When that time comes, growth will feel more natural because it’s rooted in clarity, not pressure.

This is the kind of work we will do in the community I’m building: work that respects nervous systems, seasons, and real life. More on that in March.

For now, if January has you feeling resistant to goal-setting or quietly exhausted by the demand to act before you’re ready, know this: You’re not behind. You’re not failing. You may simply be honoring the season you’re in.

Your Neurodivergent Life & Relationship Guide,

Dr. Ali

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