Shame, Social Media & Spending: Why You’re Not ‘Bad with Money’
There’s a moment that lives rent free in my brain and pops into the front of my consciousness at the most inopportune times… even though it wasn’t dramatic or life-altering.
I was sitting on the couch, red Starbucks cup in hand, laptop open, half-scrolling and half-ignoring the list of Things I Probably Shouldn’t Buy. And then I clicked. I clicked “Buy Now,” even though I told myself I wouldn’t. Even though the cart wasn’t full of essentials. Even though I knew that money was tight that month. Even though, in the back of my mind, a familiar voice was whispering: You’re being irresponsible again.
But that wasn’t the whole story… The very next second after I clicked, I felt something else: relief. Not joy. Not excitement. Just a quiet, momentary breath of okay. As if — for one split second — I had control again. Something had shifted.
Of course, it didn’t last long. The shame rolled in like a fog. Fast. Heavy. Familiar. And the script began: Why did you do that again? You said you’d be better. What’s wrong with you?
I know I’m not the only one who’s lived this cycle, and I want to tell you something that most people never say out loud: You’re not bad with money.
You’re likely just trying to survive — emotionally, mentally, relationally — in a system that wasn’t designed for your brain.
We live in a world that sells both the shame and the solution.
You scroll past a post that makes you feel behind, overwhelmed, like you’re the only one still living paycheck to paycheck or still fighting with your partner about bills. Then, two swipes later, a “solution” appears: a new budgeting app, a mindset coach, a productivity planner in pastel dopamine colors promising financial peace.
The contrast is jarring… and addictive. If you’ve got an ADHD brain (like me), the urge to take action right now — to fix something fast — is real.
What no one tells you is that a lot of those choices aren’t actually about money. They’re about relief, regulation, and reclaiming some kind of agency when everything else feels messy, uncertain, or too damn much.
The shame that shows up afterward is not a reflection of your worth. It’s a reflection of how deeply you care. If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t be trying so hard.
The Spending Spiral Isn’t About Self-Control — It’s About Survival
By now, you already know the cycle: shame, spending, regret, repeat. But what’s underneath that cycle? What’s actually happening in your brain and body?
For many ADHDers, spending becomes a form of regulation. Not just emotional, but neurological.
You’re not reaching for your wallet because you’re reckless. You’re reaching for something — anything — to quiet the noise. To scratch the itch of a million open tabs in your mind. To anchor yourself in a world that constantly feels like it’s moving too fast, too loud, or too out of sync.
It might look like impulsivity on the outside. But inside? It’s an attempt to stabilize… And for a moment, it works. Until it doesn’t. You see, no amount of cute planners or dopamine-hit deliveries can fill the gap that misunderstanding creates, especially in your relationship. Especially when your partner just doesn’t get it. Especially when you can’t explain it either.
This isn’t about a lack of discipline. It’s about trying to cope in a system that was never designed for your brain. It’s survival dressed up as “bad behavior.”
The Hidden Cost of Curated Perfection
Now add this: every time you try to make a change — to do better — you’re bombarded by influencers who make it look easy.
The “ADHD girlies” on TikTok with pastel systems and magically transformed money mindsets. The perfectly packaged routines. The 3-step guides. The “this one app saved my marriage” testimonials.
What you don’t see? The meltdowns, the frozen bank accounts, the shame spirals that came before the curated after shot. And when you don’t look like that? When your progress is messy, nonlinear, or simply invisible? You start to question your worth. You start to internalize the belief that maybe it’s not just your systems that are broken — maybe you are.
That’s the real cost of social media. Not just the money spent chasing tools that promise clarity, but the self-trust eroded by comparison. I see this all the time. I’ve lived it, too. That’s why I’m not here to promise magic. I’m here to offer something rarer: relief, and a real way forward — rooted in understanding, not shame.
We Don’t Need More Judgment. We Need a New Way Forward.
This is why I’m hosting a new workshop: Dollars, Distraction & Drama.
Because I’ve been there.
Because I’ve worked with so many clients who’ve been there.
Because I know that what you need is not another budgeting spreadsheet — it’s validation, insight, and the right tools for your brain and your relationship.
This isn’t about pretending that money doesn’t matter. It’s about admitting that shame doesn’t help, and it never has.
What does help is understanding why it’s so hard sometimes. Why saving, planning, and follow-through don’t come naturally for ADHD or neurodivergent brains. Why financial stress seeps into intimacy, parenting, time management, and even physical health.
And most importantly: how to change the story. Together.
So if you’ve ever stared down a receipt with guilt in your throat… If your spending habits feel like a secret you’re constantly trying to hide… If you and your partner keep circling the same arguments and neither of you wants to feel like the bad guy anymore…
I hope you’ll come. Not to be “fixed.” Not to be lectured. But to be seen. To be understood. To get tools that don’t make you feel broken.
Your brain is beautiful. It’s time your money story reflected that, too.
🧡 Dollars, Distraction & Drama
🗓️ September 27 @ 11:30am EST (Replay included)
💻 Online (Zoom)
💰 $12.95 — includes Connection Cards + Dopamine Advent Calendar
🎟️ → Reserve your seat now
Let’s rewrite your money story with curiosity, not criticism.
Your ADHD & Autism Guide,
Dr. Ali
P.S.
If you do need a dopamine hit that won’t land you in a shame spiral, I’ve got you:
🛒 Here’s my ADHD-friendly Amazon shop full of actually-useful tools
💬 Want to talk through what kind of scaffolding might work for your brain? Book a call with me here—no pressure, just real conversation.
Let’s make the next thing you add to your cart actually help.
