Permission to Opt Out: A Neurodivergent Holiday Survival Guide

Nov 20

You know what no one tells you about the holidays?

They’re secretly the Olympics of emotional regulation.

Every neurodivergent adult is out here juggling flashing lights, ten overlapping playlists, travel chaos, and at least one relative who thinks “ADHD isn’t real.” You’re smiling, you’re nodding, you’re pretending that being asked “So, are you seeing anyone yet?” doesn’t make your soul leave your body.

Meanwhile, your brain is in full sensory meltdown mode, whispering: “Can I just… not?”

So this year, we’re doing something radical. We’re opting out of the performative holidays and into the Ease Era: that sweet, rebellious space between “I should” and “I simply won’t.”

What if joy didn’t have to be loud? What if peace was actually the point?

Step 1: Redefine Celebration Around What Actually Matters

Most “holiday traditions” are just inherited habits no one’s questioned in 50 years. You don’t owe anyone the version of celebration that burns you out. If baking twelve dozen cookies makes you want to cry, buy them. If gift wrapping triggers executive dysfunction, hand everyone their presents in grocery bags. It’s fine. You’re fine. This season, celebrate what actually feels like you.

Ask yourself:

What fills my tank?
What drains it dry?

Then make choices that protect your peace. You’re not opting out of connection, you’re opting into alignment.

Step 2: Boundaries Are a Love Language

Saying “no” doesn’t make you the Grinch; it makes you emotionally literate. When you decline an invitation, you’re not rejecting people; you’re trusting them with your truth. That’s intimacy. You’re allowed to prioritize rest over rituals. You’re allowed to bow out of events that make your nervous system riot.

Try this:

“I’d love to see you, just not during my personal sensory apocalypse.”

(Or, you know, something more gentle… but you get the idea.)

Boundaries aren’t walls; they’re bridges that keep your relationships intact past January.

Step 3: Build Cozy, Low-Stimulation Joy

In Denmark, they call it Hygge [hoo-ga]: the art of cozy comfort; candles, warm drinks, soft lighting… A sense that you can exhale. For neurodivergent brains, this isn’t aesthetic; it’s medicine. It’s nervous-system care disguised as twinkle lights and fuzzy socks.

A few ways to bring that energy in:

Lighting: swap overhead glare for lamps or fairy lights.
Sound: build a playlist that regulates instead of overwhelms.
Texture: stretchy clothes. Always.
Exit plan: bathroom, car, porch—your “quiet pocket” matters.

This season isn’t about impressing anyone.
It’s about feeling safe enough to be present.

Step 4: Rest Is Regulation, Not Laziness

Your nervous system has receipts. When you spend too long pretending you’re fine, it sends the invoice later: burnout, impulsive spending, decision fatigue, emotional hangovers. That’s not irresponsibility. That’s the cost of staying functional in a world that constantly asks you to perform.

You don’t have to wait until you’re collapsing to rest.

You don’t have to earn peace through exhaustion.

The emotional cost of looking functional is often higher than the price of any gift you’ll buy this season. (And we’re unpacking that more in next month’s piece: Masking, Meltdowns & Money. Stay tuned.)

Step 5: Welcome to Your Ease Era

Ease isn’t giving up, it’s giving grace. It’s permission to build a holiday that fits your wiring instead of fighting it.

You can leave early.
You can skip entirely.
You can choose smaller, slower, softer, and still call it joy.

Peace isn’t passive; It’s powerful.

If you’re ready to stop white-knuckling the holidays and start creating scaffolding that actually supports your brain, I can help.

→ Learn more about personalized neurodivergent coaching & intensives

I’m here with you this holiday season. In all the joys AND challenges that come up.

Your ADHD & Autism Guide,

Dr. Ali

P.S.
🛒 Here’s my ADHD-friendly Amazon shop full of actually-useful tools
🎁 And my Etsy store has printable supports that are cute and functional
💬 Want to talk through what kind of scaffolding might work for your brain? Book a call with me here—no pressure, just real conversation.